Birkenau (Auschwitz II)

Birkenau was the main extermination camp where over a million people were murdered. It was a place that affected me incredibly deeply. In Birkenau it is what you feel and not what you see that has an impact on you. It is a huge space and again, it speaks of those that we may consider forgotten but it is clear the earth remembers. Birds sing on the perimeters of the camp but they will not enter it. They do not even fly across it. It felt to me the closest thing to a garden of olives.

(left watchtowers surrounding the camp)
I jotted down the following when I returned from

the camp and I think it is enough. I hope it gives you some sense of my experiences:

Desolation. In Auschwitz Birkenau the vocabulary of death has silenced any sound or trace of life. It has become nothingness. A vast expanse; a gaping wound that bleeds anguish into the world. The empty watchtowers, the silent barracks, the stacks of bricks that stand as isolated monuments stretching back across this space of barren loneliness and finally the imploded gas chambers. There is no noise. Only emptiness; an emptiness where life once was. This is the emptiness of loss. (above, the train tracks which brought transports into the camp from across Europe)

Now only the silence speaks here but it is louder than any sound. It is the unanswered cries of those eradicated. It is the answer that never came. Yet somehow those calls have been translated, they cry still- not in sound but in the sheer burden here. It is a hole; it is too wide and too great to ever be filled; not even nature which flitters around the edges will enter. It watches from on the peripheral.

Echoes. Only fleeting echoes live in this place. The echoes of the past and the echoed footsteps of the present. The footsteps which try to retrace become echoes of those that faded into silence on the steps of the gas chambers.The voices which try to remember become echoes of testimonies; echoes of the voices that spoke here and were absorbed into silence when their mouths were stopped.

(To the left - the unloading platform where families were separated on arrival and selections were made for the gas chambers.)

The prayers we say for the dead as it grows dark create the loudest echo and one hopes that in this deafening silence this is the part that never went unheard. The echoes of those prayers said under this blanket of darkness in this desolate place. The echoes of words spoken between man and God. A deep mystery.

I wanted my students to come here to connect with what was done but we found much more than this. We found ourselves connecting with what it is possible to do. Destruction in its purest form. An attempt not only to destroy the physical but to decimate even the smallest tenderness that exists in man.

This will always be without success for God has touched the heart of man and evil has devoured itself here.

(The imploded gas chambers)

As it grows colder and darker the echoing Hebrew calls back to the silence.

We heard you. We hear you. We witness.

(Left, a photograph brought to Auschwitz by a prisoner - it would have been taken from them upon arrival along with everything else they owned)

This is our answer. Where the Nazis tried to destroy we return to remember and as we walk in the pitch black along the railway tracks that brought people to their death we leave with life. We leave imbued with the talking silence and the suffering- in the hope that our echoes might go out into the world and remind that life, in all its forms is precious. That what life you take will be a heavy blow to the earth - even if that blow is not heard. It will be felt. It will make our souls tremble in years to come. Let us always recognise humanity in others no matter their size or dependency. Let us never be given over to this destruction. Let us stand firm in love.

Auschwitz - a brief encounter (Auschwitz I)

This has been a long time in coming -I've finally got the time I need to sit down and tell you a little about my trip to Auschwitz. In many ways Auschwitz is not a place that needs explanation or introduction. I think I have spent so long getting round to writing this post because I did not want to write something that was just emotive or generic - that simplified the meaning of that place. I think it is worth starting by saying what a complex place it is- on a physical and emotional level. On the one hand it encapsulates every horror and evil it is possible for human beings to commit; degradation, mass murder (including the gassing of small children), experimentation, forced labour, starvation, forced prostitution - and honestly that is naming just a few. On the other it is a place that celebrates human life and makes known, with more clarity then any place I have ever been, what a terrible sin it is to waste a single drop of human blood. It makes clear that loss will always be felt - that you can't erase human beings without trace -no matter how hard you try, even by incinerating the bodies of those you wish to destroy. In both camps one feels that the earth itself is resounding with a kind of silent shock and horror. This place is testament to the value of human life and what we can survive.



(Left, the courtyard where prisoners assembled for role call)















Of course atAuschwitz I (seen in top photo)- the smaller of the two camps- Maximilian Kolbe acts as a part of the testament to the value of life. I have loved his story and had always imagined it a certain way; the courtyard where he offered his life, the cell, the people- obviously, reality is somewhat different. In many ways the camp looked more pleasant than I imagined, as did his cell- in reality what happened there was much worse than anything most of us could comprehend. As it happens Block 11 (seen below) where Fr Kolbe was starved to death is a place of notoriety for a multitude of reasons. When the allies arrived there to liberate it they found a stack of bodies where vile experiments had been carried out on the upper floors and that was after Nazis had tried to destroy the evidence. In the basement of the same building is the cell, bigger than I thought it would be but no less dingy and miserable. Perhaps one of the most confusing things is that from the outside it looks like a respectable red brick building no different from one you might pass in any part of Europe. There is a peace close to that cell that doesn't lie anywhere else in Auschwitz I. It is simple and stark yet somehow triumphant in the midst of misery. Above ground, just to the left of where the cell lies is the place where prisoners, often women were shot. The Building to the far left with blacked out windows is where women were sterilized and experimented on by Josef Mengler (this area can be seen in the photograph below- if you look to the bottom right hand corner you can see the ventilation shafts which belong to the starvation cells - Kolbe's is second from the end)

I tell you this not to sensationalise or just for horrors sake but because in my opinion anyone who could find LOVE and God in this most awful of human deserts is more deserving of sainthood than any other I could think of. I now realise that Kolbe did not just sacrifice his life - he sacrificed it HERE. In this place where human nobility and hope was a distant, untouchable memory for most and to me that makes his triumph over evil all the greater. He was staring evil in the face, he was surrounded by it, by inhumanity, yet his love and humanity were so active here that they allowed him to lay down his life. No matter what people say this is true faith - only real faith could make that possible. There were many acts of love and bravery in those camps - whether Jew, Jehovah's Witness or political prisoner - these people are some of the most impressive to have existed. To find courage and hope anywhere can be difficult - to find it in this place- that is nothing short of a miracle.

(Left, the cell in which Fr Kolbe died-video below)

In Auschwitz I the birds sing now and the watchtowers look out over a small camp compared to Birkenau. Auschwitz I has become something of a museum and here you see the clothes and shoes that the prisoners in Birkenau were forced to part with. This was, in its own way, a deeply spiritual experience - connecting with the forsaken and forgotten of this world. Looking at summer shoes, red party shoes and children's shoes that remain as a testament to those who wore them - deeply personal and yet abandoned without reference . The hair, the cases, the hairbrushes - in many ways it was overwhelming to be confronted with so much. Yet I felt it important to take the time to recognise it. With the babies clothing I could not even bare to take a photograph - it seemed too invasive. It is certain that no children survived Auschwitz. Even so one does not leave this place feeling all humanity is full of worthless evil- instead one leaves feeling united to the individuality of every human life. You can pile up shoes in a room yet each will be different in size, colour and pattern and while it shows you the scale of mass murder it also tells you that each of those murdered had their own unique being, they can never be repeated and this makes their loss awful but it also speaks of their unknown value- a value that transcends this world.

In the next post I will write about te main camp - Auschwitz II or Auschwitz Birkenau where the main gas chambers were - in this place many more were murdered than in Auschwitz I. It is very different and very powerful

This is a pretty awaful video in terms of clarity( I had to make what I could of space and time but hopefully it will give you a sense of Fr Kolbe's cell.)

Up to date but about to take a break

Dear All,

Apologies for my neglect- I have been bouncing from pillar to post all weekend with little opportunity to blog and no Internet access. For those who have been reading along with the apparition anniversaries I am all caught up now. I like today's one where Bernadette first encounters Fr. Peyramale.

I am going to Auschwitz tomorrow so will obviously not be blogging. I hope to have much to share with you on my return. I have to say I hate flying- hate it! but I do it because I have to. I would ask that, if you can, you will remember me in your prayers tomorrow - that I am worthy of the privilege of visiting this place and that I have safe journey. I look forward to catching up with you all later in the week.

God Bless!

A little testimony about a testimony

I haven't been able to post much recently as life has been pretty busy but I have been manging to keep up with each of the apparition anniversaries. Today is one of my favourites- the digging of the spring . It is amazing how fast Lent seems to have descended upon us and I know many bloggers will be quiet for a while and I will miss their posts but understand and admire their Lenten sacrifice. I look forward to their return.

As for me I have been spending a fair bit of time preparing for my trip to Auschwitz next week. On Sunday I met a Holocaust survivor who came to speak to the students at the seminar I attended. His testimony was so deeply moving I cannot express in words its meaning to me. Above all he testified to the value of life. He suffered the ghettos, several camps - including Auschwitz and the death marches. Yet his conclusion - at the age of 79- is that most people are good. He talked of the lives wasted- of the countless bodies he had seen while still a young child. At the end of the war he was only 15 and his close family had been wiped out. Yet he was able to stand in a room and talk about his love for people and how he cries when he sees children in Zimbabwe or in Gaza (yes he is Jewish) who are suffering as he did.

He also spoke about the birth of his daughters and how the moment when the midwife entered and declared 'This is YOUR daughter' were the greatest moments of defiance in his life. The Nazis had wanted death - his death - yet here he was defying them with life. It is his view that life is the finest defiance of evil and death. He spoke of how the disabled, elderly and children had been disregarded and how this must NEVER happen again and yet DOES. His own grandmother, the woman who had raised him, died on the day of the liberation - a beautiful woman who had loved him as her child - she has no grave and no monument except in him. The only regret of his life was never having the chance to say a simple thank you.

For many years he could not believe in God- such was the destruction he had witnessed. At the selections in Auschwitz he saw babies ripped from their mothers arms and shot in front of her because she would not be separated from them so they could go to the gas chambers (the picture above is of an actual selection taking place at Auschwitz). I can understand his feeling. Yet now he says he hopes there is a God. It took him many years to realise it was not God who willed the death of those children - it was man. Yet now he can see that with clarity.

This man was one of the finest I have ever met- brimming with love. My students and I were blown away by him. He said only God could forgive yet he had no bitterness or anger towards any human beings - he told the kids that these things were the real destroyer of man - they had caused the Holocaust in the first place. He is so committed to this message that at 79 he travels round Europe sharing his testimony. It is a marvellous thing to meet someone who is a true example - I remain deeply touched by my encounter with Ziggy and I don't think anything I could write here could give a true impression of his bubbly character, sense of humour and inspirational nature. Yet I felt compelled to share something of this with you.

HOLOCAUST MEMORIAL

Today is Holocaust Memorial day in Britain and the 64th anniversary of the liberation of Auschwitz by the allies. I am due to visit Auschwitz in March- I am taking two Sixth Form students (aged 16/17) and I have to confess I am a little nervous to go there because of what was done there and the sadness I feel- even at this distance from it. Faced directly with this evil; the place where innocent people were tortured and died I don't know how I will interact with an environment like that. I have to be supportive and responsible enough to sustain my students as they encounter the reality of it. I hope I will be strong enough. Its not that I don't think they should see me cry or express emotion- on the contrary I would be proud to show my feelings about the death caused by hatred and senseless persecution- it is that I know I must have enough strength in me to understand and convey that this is not where it ends. This terrible place designed for cruelty and death shall not triumph. I know that the great Maximillian Kolbe and Edith Stein entered this place and refused to let it degrade them. I am honoured to walk where they did. It is love like theirs that transforms pointless hatred into exemplary love. I thought I would hand my blog to someone far worthier than me to comment:

From John Paul II's speech at Yad Vashem March 2000:

The words of the ancient Psalm, rise from our hearts: "I have become like a broken vessel. I hear the whispering of many - terror on every side - as they scheme together against me, as they plot to take my life. But I trust in you, O Lord: I say, 'you are my God."'

In this place of memories, the mind and heart and soul feel an extreme need for silence. Silence in which to remember. Silence in which to try to make some sense of the memories which come flooding back. Silence because there are no words strong enough to deplore the terrible tragedy of the Shoah.My own personal memories are of all that happened when the Nazis occupied Poland during the war. I remember my Jewish friends and neighbours, some of whom perished, while others survived. I have come to Yad Vashem to pay homage to the millions of Jewish people who, stripped of everything, especially of human dignity, were murdered in the Holocaust. More than half a century has passed, but the memories remain.Here, as at Auschwitz and many other places in Europe, we are overcome by the echo of the heart-rending laments of so many. Men, women and children, cry out to us from the depths of the horror that they knew. How can we fail to heed their cry? No one can forget or ignore what happened. No one can diminish its scale.We wish to remember. But we wish to remember for a purpose, namely to ensure that never again will evil prevail, as it did for the millions of innocent victims of Nazism.

How could man have such utter contempt for man? Because he had reached the point of contempt for God. Only a godless ideology could plan and carry out the extermination of a whole people.The honour given to the 'Just Gentiles' by the state of Israel at Yad Vashem for having acted heroically to save Jews, sometimes to the point of giving their own lives, is a recognition that not even in the darkest hour is every light extinguished. That is why the Psalms and the entire Bible, though well aware of the human capacity for evil, also proclaims that evil will not have the last word.Out of the depths of pain and sorrow, the believer's heart cries out: "I trust in you, O Lord: 'I say, you are my God."'Jews and Christians share an immense spiritual patrimony, flowing from God's self-revelation. Our religious teachings and our spiritual experience demand that we overcome evil with good. We remember, but not with any desire for vengeance or as an incentive to hatred. For us, to remember is to pray for peace and justice, and to commit ourselves to their cause. Only a world at peace, with justice for all, can avoid repeating the mistakes and terrible crimes of the past.